Illegitimate and Unproven

This weekend I've come down with some really nasty cold/flu/sinus infection mess. I pride myself on the fact that I don't get sick very often but when I do, man, it hits like a ton of bricks!

Of course, you can't be sick and have nothing to do. That would be too easy! I've also spent the weekend completing the first half of Lifeguard training. Training has actually been fun but giving CPR ventilations would be a lot easier if I could properly get air into my own lungs before blowing into the dummy's. Yesterday was absolute hell trying to get through the day without giving up. There was fever, coughing, lots of gross nose stuff, aches, and even a little vomit. I have neither the time nor the money for a visit to the doctor and anyone who normally takes care of me was out of town so I had to treat myself. Today was much, much better so I thought I'd share my secret to getting over colds fast.

Bethany's Completely Illegitimate and Unproven Cure for Icky Sicky Crap

As soon as possible, go to Target and pick up the following:
1 gallon of orange juice with lots of pulp
1 bag of original Hawaiian rolls
Mio in your favorite flavor (I like fruit punch or lemonade)
Vick's Vapor Rub
Robitussin Daytime Cold+Flu if, like me, you're unfortunate enough to have to participate in life.

You'll also need cotton socks, a nighttime medicine, and a praying mamma if you don't have them already as well as a copy of your favorite movie. My go-to movie is You've Got Mail. I like to pretend I'm as adorable and charming as a flu-ridden 1998 Meg Ryan when I actually resemble a Walker from The Walking Dead.

Once home with all the needed supplies, change into your baggiest, least attractive sweats. Pour yourself one cup of orange juice and one very large class of ice water flavored with Mio. The juice will replenish electrolytes and vitamins while the water hydrates and flushes your system. Place the glasses within arm's reach of your bed. Open the bag of rolls and place near the drinks.
Next, slather the bottoms of your feet, yes feet, with Vick's vapor rub and cover with cotton socks. This will help with any congestion. Don't ask me why, but it works.
Finally, take a dose of the nighttime medicine, pop in your movie, and get into bed. Finish both drinks before drifting off the sleep and eat the rolls with semi-reckless abandonment. You're sick, you deserve them. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about the carbs.
I try to go to bed as soon as I get home so that I can get 10+ hours. I believe that rest is the best thing you can possibly do and since this is the only weekend I'm not bogged down in school assignments, I took full advantage and got a whopping 14 hours.
 The next day you should feel like a whole new person! I was able to do in-water rescues without drowning! Remember to take a dose of Robitussin every 4 hours and keep hydrated.

If this doesn't work for you, well, I'm not a doctor. Why are you taking my advice?

I also make my own cough syrup now that I'm of age (actually, my Pawpaw gave this to me as a kid. Don't tell!)
2 Tbs Whiskey, warmed
Squeeze of lemon
Bit of honey

It will definitely quiet your cough, soothe your throat, and make you feel all warm inside, even if you're a wimp like me and gag a little. Seriously though,  only 2 tablespoons. Don't get lousy off the cough syrup, ya filthy animal.