5 Stages of Using a Port-a-Potty

Saturday, Tommy and I betray our university and drove up to Auburn, Alabama to go all-out redneck with our friends at the Alpha Psi Rodeo. We had a BLAST!

There was incredibly beautiful weather here in Alabama, sunny with a high of 78 and no humidity, a rare combination. We played games, watched bulls buck cowboys, hung out with some old friends and met a bunch of fun new people, and got to see Alan Jackson perform! His music is the soundtrack of my childhood and I had forgotten just how many great songs he has. Exhibit A:

There was one tiny hitch in the day, though. It's the problem with most outdoor events. Can you guess? Yes, I am talking about outdoor lavatories.

Is there anyone who actually enjoys using these plastic outhouses? I really doubt it but, hey, if they exist there will probably be a show for them on MTV soon. As for the rest of us, Port-a-Johns become a necessary evil, like paying for gas or eating salad. You have to do it but, Lord, how you don't want to.

I've put together this list of the 5 Stages of Using a Port-a-Potty so that you know that you'll know that you aren't facing this alone.

1. Denial
It's pretty early in the day and you've only started to feel a little tingle deep in your lower abdomen. "I don't really have to go." you think, "I'll just hold it and the feeling will go away."

2. Anger
At this point you have come to the realization that what you're feeling is definitely your body's desire to release fluids and you're mad about it. "Why did I drink so fast?! I know better than that! Why do I have this thimble-sized bladder? WHY, GOD? WHY??"

3. Bargaining 
The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control. 

• I'll slow down and maybe I can put it off for a little while.
• The line is so long... I'll just wait until it dies down.
• GOD, IF YOU TAKE IT AWAY I WON'T MAKE FUN OF THE CLEARLY WASTED GIRL EVER AGAIN! 

But, try as you may, none of this will help. Plus, we both know that you're going to laugh at the girl when she walks into the truck's side mirror for the third time.

4. Depression
This is the longest stage and occurs from the moment you start walking towards the bank of Porta Loos and will continue throughout the first use. Issues in this stage range from "It smells like a used diaper filled with Indian food!" to "Don't people aim????" and "There's no toilet paper... Twerk dry?" and in the worst case scenarios, "IT'S OVERFLOWING!!!!"

No matter how clean these toilet huts may be, they're still pretty gross. Especially when competing with 20,000 other people for a seat.

5. Acceptance 
Well, you've broken the barrier and there's no stopping you now. Feeling a little defiled, you've now come to terms with the fact that this is part of the experience when attending a 15-hour outdoor event. You realize that when it comes down to it, the smelly trips to the Port-a-Potty are worth all the fun you'll have and memories you're making. You also realize that the chances of getting your hands on some actual toilet paper are slim so you make sure that all future trips include a pocket full of napkins.

So don't worry if you're main concern is what you're going to do when it all hits the fan, you're in good company. Just try to put aside your apprehension and enjoy the day.

A little Alan Jackson to sing you out:

Hooray for Love!

Our sweet friends, Brooks and Mary Ann, are engaged! Hip-hip-hooray! hip-hip-hooray! 

Mary Ann and I met though a mutual friend when our combined awkwardness overflowed into a handshake/hug/high five. She's such a sweetheart, you guys! A year and a half ago we were sitting in biology class looking at pictures of Facebook of some cute boy she'd taken to a date party. 

Last June, Tommy would come home from class and tell me about some "frat guy who is always late to class. Probably because he's hungover."

In July, Mary Ann was spending her summer in Wyoming. Tom and I went to try the newly opened Steel City Pops and when I got to the front of the line I had another overflow of awkward. 

 "I've seen you on Facebook! You're Brooks!"  

the creepy stalker inside me blurted out.

After a very surprised/frightened look and a bit of conversation, we discovered that Brooks was the "hungover frat guy" (who is actually neither of those things) and the we are Mary Ann's friends who got married super young. That's usually something that weirds college-aged people out but Brooks' enthusiasm about young marriage was refreshing and told us that he was a different kind of dude. 

Mary Ann and Brooks are fun, sweet, God-fearing people and we are overflowing with joy over their engagement! To know the two of them as a couple is to know that you are in the presence of true love. They deserve all the happiness in the world and I just know that God is going to bless the crap out of their engagement and marriage! Congratulations, guys! Love you both!

For a little inspiration

Today has been a day. It has been a day that's beat me down and made me question everything I'm currently building my future on. It's been a day when I have to remind myself that it won't be like this for long. That some days are just hard and that doesn't mean it's time to give up, even if that's what it feels like. It's been a day of multiple extra-strength Excedrin because my normal natural remedies have failed to ease my throbbing headache. Today has been bad. As I take a break from the mountain of textbooks, lesson plans, and student data piled in front of me to write this entry, I am discouraged. I feel like Hillary Swank in the first 20 minutes of Freedom Writers. What am I doing? What am I doing? Can I do this? What if I can't?

But I can. I know I can. It's just a bad day, not a bad life. And it's all worth it. I just need to be reminded. 

It's going to be worth it. Today is over, tomorrow will be better.

NOTICE: Taylor Mali has some language but I felt the overall message was more important. 

Illegitimate and Unproven

This weekend I've come down with some really nasty cold/flu/sinus infection mess. I pride myself on the fact that I don't get sick very often but when I do, man, it hits like a ton of bricks!

Of course, you can't be sick and have nothing to do. That would be too easy! I've also spent the weekend completing the first half of Lifeguard training. Training has actually been fun but giving CPR ventilations would be a lot easier if I could properly get air into my own lungs before blowing into the dummy's. Yesterday was absolute hell trying to get through the day without giving up. There was fever, coughing, lots of gross nose stuff, aches, and even a little vomit. I have neither the time nor the money for a visit to the doctor and anyone who normally takes care of me was out of town so I had to treat myself. Today was much, much better so I thought I'd share my secret to getting over colds fast.

Bethany's Completely Illegitimate and Unproven Cure for Icky Sicky Crap

As soon as possible, go to Target and pick up the following:
1 gallon of orange juice with lots of pulp
1 bag of original Hawaiian rolls
Mio in your favorite flavor (I like fruit punch or lemonade)
Vick's Vapor Rub
Robitussin Daytime Cold+Flu if, like me, you're unfortunate enough to have to participate in life.

You'll also need cotton socks, a nighttime medicine, and a praying mamma if you don't have them already as well as a copy of your favorite movie. My go-to movie is You've Got Mail. I like to pretend I'm as adorable and charming as a flu-ridden 1998 Meg Ryan when I actually resemble a Walker from The Walking Dead.

Once home with all the needed supplies, change into your baggiest, least attractive sweats. Pour yourself one cup of orange juice and one very large class of ice water flavored with Mio. The juice will replenish electrolytes and vitamins while the water hydrates and flushes your system. Place the glasses within arm's reach of your bed. Open the bag of rolls and place near the drinks.
Next, slather the bottoms of your feet, yes feet, with Vick's vapor rub and cover with cotton socks. This will help with any congestion. Don't ask me why, but it works.
Finally, take a dose of the nighttime medicine, pop in your movie, and get into bed. Finish both drinks before drifting off the sleep and eat the rolls with semi-reckless abandonment. You're sick, you deserve them. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about the carbs.
I try to go to bed as soon as I get home so that I can get 10+ hours. I believe that rest is the best thing you can possibly do and since this is the only weekend I'm not bogged down in school assignments, I took full advantage and got a whopping 14 hours.
 The next day you should feel like a whole new person! I was able to do in-water rescues without drowning! Remember to take a dose of Robitussin every 4 hours and keep hydrated.

If this doesn't work for you, well, I'm not a doctor. Why are you taking my advice?

I also make my own cough syrup now that I'm of age (actually, my Pawpaw gave this to me as a kid. Don't tell!)
2 Tbs Whiskey, warmed
Squeeze of lemon
Bit of honey

It will definitely quiet your cough, soothe your throat, and make you feel all warm inside, even if you're a wimp like me and gag a little. Seriously though,  only 2 tablespoons. Don't get lousy off the cough syrup, ya filthy animal.

Puppy Fever

So, yeah, I have a major, overwhelming case of puppy fever. I think its because of all the extra time I've gotten to spend with my dog since we've been "snowed in"... Or maybe its baby fever expressing itself in a lesser, more financially viable form. Either way, now I'm going to show you some puppy pictures! HOORAY FOR PUPPIES!

My sweet Jack. Look how handsome that face is!

He's such a great dog! Australian Shepherds also come in miniatures! Can you believe it? All that fluff and cute smashed into a smaller package. Eeeeeeeeeeek!

Tom loves Basset Hounds, with their adorable floppy ears and short legs. To me, they all seem like they should be named Silas. Maybe next we'll get a big-eared, sad-eyed hound dog named Silas. 

 I imagine they sound like Copper from Fox and the Hound when they howl. Awe!

I have always liked large breed dogs because you can squeeze the crap out of them and they just love it and lick your face with giant tongues. I love the idea of having a dog that weighs more than I do. So I think I'd like to have a Great Dane like this freckled cutie! 

I don't know if you know this, but we used to have a German Shepherd named Flex. Tommy got him for his 18th birthday. Sadly, we lost Flex in the April 27th tornado. He was such a good dog. Look how tiny he was when we first brought him home!

He didn't stay that way for long!

And finally, there is always the trusty all-American canine sidekick: the Golden Retriever. Precious. 

Goldens and Aussies have very similar temperaments and I can just see them playing together so well! Jack needs a baby brother or sister! However, our 500 square foot apartment (along with Tommy) says otherwise. 

There are also times like tonight when Jackie is curled up quietly beside me and I think, "One is just right."

Hope you enjoyed the pup pictures! Have a lovely weekend!

He's feelin 22!!

I'm breaking my social media fast to tell my husband Happy 22nd Birth(yester)day! 

Last night we had brownies and secret conversation with sweet friends and Sunday I threw him a camping themed surprise party! 

I've been planning his party for about a year and, let me tell you, I am NOT good at keeping secrets from my hubby. He's my best friend so when I'm excited about something he's the first person I want to tell! But I was a good sneaky sneak and mostly pulled it off at the end. He was only a little suspicious when he saw all the extra cars at my parent's house. 

Happy Birthday, Mr. Awesome. I love you always. 

Special thanks to my parents, brother, and Emily for all their help!