5 Stages of Using a Port-a-Potty

Saturday, Tommy and I betray our university and drove up to Auburn, Alabama to go all-out redneck with our friends at the Alpha Psi Rodeo. We had a BLAST!

There was incredibly beautiful weather here in Alabama, sunny with a high of 78 and no humidity, a rare combination. We played games, watched bulls buck cowboys, hung out with some old friends and met a bunch of fun new people, and got to see Alan Jackson perform! His music is the soundtrack of my childhood and I had forgotten just how many great songs he has. Exhibit A:

There was one tiny hitch in the day, though. It's the problem with most outdoor events. Can you guess? Yes, I am talking about outdoor lavatories.

Is there anyone who actually enjoys using these plastic outhouses? I really doubt it but, hey, if they exist there will probably be a show for them on MTV soon. As for the rest of us, Port-a-Johns become a necessary evil, like paying for gas or eating salad. You have to do it but, Lord, how you don't want to.

I've put together this list of the 5 Stages of Using a Port-a-Potty so that you know that you'll know that you aren't facing this alone.

1. Denial
It's pretty early in the day and you've only started to feel a little tingle deep in your lower abdomen. "I don't really have to go." you think, "I'll just hold it and the feeling will go away."

2. Anger
At this point you have come to the realization that what you're feeling is definitely your body's desire to release fluids and you're mad about it. "Why did I drink so fast?! I know better than that! Why do I have this thimble-sized bladder? WHY, GOD? WHY??"

3. Bargaining 
The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control. 

• I'll slow down and maybe I can put it off for a little while.
• The line is so long... I'll just wait until it dies down.
• GOD, IF YOU TAKE IT AWAY I WON'T MAKE FUN OF THE CLEARLY WASTED GIRL EVER AGAIN! 

But, try as you may, none of this will help. Plus, we both know that you're going to laugh at the girl when she walks into the truck's side mirror for the third time.

4. Depression
This is the longest stage and occurs from the moment you start walking towards the bank of Porta Loos and will continue throughout the first use. Issues in this stage range from "It smells like a used diaper filled with Indian food!" to "Don't people aim????" and "There's no toilet paper... Twerk dry?" and in the worst case scenarios, "IT'S OVERFLOWING!!!!"

No matter how clean these toilet huts may be, they're still pretty gross. Especially when competing with 20,000 other people for a seat.

5. Acceptance 
Well, you've broken the barrier and there's no stopping you now. Feeling a little defiled, you've now come to terms with the fact that this is part of the experience when attending a 15-hour outdoor event. You realize that when it comes down to it, the smelly trips to the Port-a-Potty are worth all the fun you'll have and memories you're making. You also realize that the chances of getting your hands on some actual toilet paper are slim so you make sure that all future trips include a pocket full of napkins.

So don't worry if you're main concern is what you're going to do when it all hits the fan, you're in good company. Just try to put aside your apprehension and enjoy the day.

A little Alan Jackson to sing you out:

Warrior Dash

Saturday, Tommy, Sydney, Kacie, and I geared up and ran Warrior Dash!

Mud, obstacles, and crazy hats galore! Made for a pretty exciting Saturday and very sore Sunday. It also proved what we all knew: Kacie is in great shape and I should run more often. Overall it was a successful run and the obstacles were pretty easy. Except for one.

There was one obstacle about halfway through that I was not stupid enough not be afraid of. Its basically a large arch made out of 2X4s. I got to the top and while I was waiting on the girl in front of me to climb down, realized exactly how easily I could slip and die. Suddenly, I lost it. I'm not one to be afraid of things like this but I started freaking out. The boards are about two feet apart, slick with mud, and too narrow to stand on but too wide for my smallish hands to grasp. I was 12 feet above ground with nothing between but crisp November air. At this point I was frozen and started yelling, "I DON'T LIKE THIS! I DON'T LIKE THIS!" over and over. Strangers started to try and comfort this crazy girl saying things like, "You can do it, sweetie!" and "Breathe, honey. You're almost there." [Ever notice how generous people are with the pet names when they're trying to be empathetic?] Eventually I did make it down and went through the other obstacles with ease, but I think I embarrassed Tommy! HA!

Except for my episode, Warrior Dash was a good time. However, I think I'll stick to Spartan Races. Personally, I find their obstacles more physically challenging without making me fear for my life.

Happy America Day, y'all!

"Read somewheres that the human body is 75 percent water. Not me, y'all. I'm 75 percent sweet tea, 100 percent Merican."

Every year on the 4th of July my granny wants the whole family to dress in red, white, and blue and take a great big family photo. But every year no one knows about it until we get there so it's always a huge disaster. This year my brilliant mother came up with a great idea to raise enthusiasm and make granny happy and that wonderful idea's name is Redneck Showdown! The idea is to be as patriotic and tacky as possible! You have to wear your costume all day for flag football, tug-of-war, and eating yourself silly. At the end of the day everyone votes for someone besides themselves and the winner gets a trophy! We're all super excited! Especially Tommy and I because there's not much we love better than dressing up in costume!

This year we aren't able to fully participate because we are going to the beach with the rest of the Snows (we haven't yet mastered sharing family time) so we have to send in our photo submission. We can vote, but we can't win. Honorable mention by photo submission. But they better watch out next year! Even Jack the Dog will be bringing his A-game! I am so looking forward to sharing this new tradition every year with my family!

Momma and Poppa Snow are here now to pick us up for beach fun so I've got to run! Hope everyone has a wonderful and safe 4th of July! USA USA USA!

Labor Day Lazies

Happy Tuesday after Labor Day everyone!

How was your long weekend?
Did you make it through Noah's rainstorm?

Tom and I had a great, busy labor day! Friday night we went to Workplay theatre with Sydney, Mary Ann, and Rachel to see Dave Barnes!!! For those of you who don't know, he's the genius and original artist of God Gave Me You. Blake Shelton is ight but Dave is the stuff!

See what I mean? Can't be touched!

Saturday we all went to the Alabama v. Kent State game! Funny story: After I've paid $55 to get a student guest ticket for Tom so he can go with me, we get up early, dress in our game day attire, park a million miles away, and walk to the stadium only to discover that the Kent State game was not in my package and we had to buy a second ticket to a game that we probably wouldn't have gone to had we known. Roll tide.

But it's okay because we had a really good time with our friends! The excitement of game day was totally worth it! And I have to say I was very pleased with the courtesy our fans showed to the Kent State players! Roll tide!

Sunday we went to church, made tacos (my first time ever! thought they were purdy good) until I had to go babysit. As I was on my way there I got a message telling me not to worry about it! YAY! So we had an Office marathon! We love the Office! Hardcore Parkour!

That is Tom favorite Office moment and hearing him laugh so hard at it cracks me up!

Monday we had originally planned to go to Six Flags, but we had to cancel because of the rain and the heart  meds Tom is on right now. Instead, we caught a bad case of the Labor Day Lazies, so it made for a great day to sleep in, eat spaghetti, clean, and do mountains of homework! Personally, I'd have rather read Jane Eyre, but UA is funny about homework; they actually want you to learn something. Go figure! We lazed around in sweats all day and never even left the house. It was a good day :)

Oh and a funny tweet I read about today's weather:

"If I'm not breaking a sweat on the way to class, I'm trudging through an artic downpour...#alabama"    -Sam Light

So true! Thanks for the laughs Sam! I was not aware that it was cold when I left my house in shorts and a tank. Did anybody else have this predicament? Or were you a smarty who dressed appropriately?

Happy Short Week!

college thus far...

I have been at UA for two weeks now and I really like college! I love that I only have to go to a class three times a week at the most. I love that I'm done before noon every day, some days before 10! I love walking to class! Even though my walk is loooooooong it's nice to be outside!

I've learned that, for the most part, high school prepared me for college, but there are a few things no one mentioned like...

1. There is a big black cat that hides in the bushes outside of Morgan and it will attack you.

2. There is no rule against massive amounts of cleavage, even if there should be!

3. You will spend almost $200 worth of sixteen-digit access codes.

4. You actually have to read your text books. Totally never did that...probably why I sucked it up in AP Economics

5. Get On Board day is so much fun and gives you a ton of free stuff! Even if you don't actually sign up! I have three Taco Casa free taco coupons now! Go me!

and finally...

6. there is the occasional Medieval duel (I can't figure out why it's so blurry!)

I'm having a lot of fun and I can't wait until kick-off Saturday! RTR!